Etiquette for Borrowing and Returning Things to Friends

Most of us borrow from friends without a second thought. A casserole dish for a Sunday lunch, a novel recommended over coffee, a ladder for a weekend of decorating, a smart coat for a wedding.

Each loan is a small act of trust, and how we handle it says a good deal about us. A little care at every stage keeps friendships easy and ensures you will be welcome to ask again.

Asking Graciously

Ask in a way that makes it easy to say no. "Would you mind lending me your pasting table on Saturday? Please do say if it is not convenient" gives your friend a polite way out if they need one.

Be clear about what you need and for how long. A vague request leaves the lender wondering when they will see their belongings again, which is rarely a comfortable feeling.

If you are borrowing from a neighbour rather than a close friend, offer a little more detail. Explain what the job is, when you will collect the item, and when it will be back on their doorstep.

Think twice before asking for anything very valuable, fragile or sentimental. Heirloom jewellery, a treasured first edition or expensive camera equipment are better hired or bought than borrowed, unless your friend offers first.

Looking After What You Have Been Lent

Treat a borrowed item with more care than you would your own. Read any instructions, store it safely, and keep it away from children, pets and the garden if it was never meant for them.

Use it only for the purpose you mentioned. A friend who lends a car for a trip to the station will not expect it to be driven to Cornwall and back.

Do not lend the item on to anyone else. However trustworthy your sister or flatmate may be, your friend agreed to lend it to you, and passing it along without asking is a quiet breach of that trust.

If something consumable has been used up, replace it. Refill the petrol tank, top up the bottle of oil, or send back a borrowed cake tin with something baked inside, a charming British tradition.

Returning It Promptly and Properly

Return things on time, or sooner. The lender should never have to chase you, as asking for one's own belongings back can feel awkward for even the most confident person.

Give the item back clean and in the condition you received it. Wash the dish, wipe down the tools, and have a borrowed dress or suit dry cleaned before handing it over.

Where possible, return it in person with a word of thanks. For a larger favour, a small gift or a handwritten note is a thoughtful touch, though nothing extravagant is required.

When Something Goes Wrong

Accidents happen. If you damage or lose a borrowed item, tell your friend straight away rather than hoping they will not notice.

Apologise sincerely and offer to repair or replace it, at your own expense. Let the owner decide which they prefer, as they may want a particular model or have a trusted repairer in mind.

If the item cannot be replaced, a heartfelt apology and a considered gesture will go a long way. What matters most is that your friend feels respected.

A Note for the Lender

Etiquette works in both directions. If you lend something, it is perfectly reasonable to mention when you need it back, and a gentle reminder is not rude.

If you would rather not lend an item at all, a kind and simple refusal is quite acceptable. "I am afraid I never lend that one, but I hope you find one" is honest and leaves no ill feeling.

Borrowing well comes down to courtesy, care and a prompt return. Handle every loan as you would hope your own belongings would be treated, and your friends will be happy to help again. For more modern manners with a British touch, keep reading Duchess Magazine.